The vast desolate field 
Empty but for stones and souls
The fraught fibres of my being 
Sun finally sneaking through
The clouds of spring 
Duffel coats being swapped
Prematurely for shorts 
Everyone is smiling
As I drown unseen 
For foolishly I let myself think 
We could beat the odds 
An invisible blade slowly dismembers my psyche
Final chance, I know
Too raw to grieve
Why did I believe
This time would be different?



I can feel it grow

The hole

In my chest
Icy void 
Eating me
From the inside out
And I wonder
How much more
How much longer
I can last
Because today 
I’m fading
Fading fast.



It’s what you do
You with your 2.4 children
Perfect life
Like it’s your right
From the day I was born
Only ever
Where I’ve gone wrong
No sight
Of the fight
That’s my life
You with your health
Self-satisfied wealth
You could have…
You should have…
You would have…
Easy to judge 
What you don’t know
But stroll the walkways
Of my mind
The thieves of time
Feel them frying
Brain cells dying
Aching limbs
Exhausted trying
Dreams all lying
Tattered, dying
But I’ll NEVER let you see me crying…
And tell me then, just one more time 
What a failure I am.


The blade serrates my heart
Jagged edges drawn
Through soft flesh
No neat slice 
Ragged pieces hanging
Congealed blood
Clotting in sticky black lumps
Round the void
That once held my soul
Nausea creeps up my throat
Pressure pounds my head
Cramps convulse my gut
I wish this were not real
Because I never thought…
Love could hurt this much
(C) Blackheart June, 2014