Turn Back The Clock

  

Daylight snuck its way around the thick curtains

As if trying to offer some minute glimmer of hope

Its efforts futile as a clown at a funeral

And equally unwelcome

Oblivious to the wintry elements

I lie naked on the floor

If I had been trampled by a herd of rhinos

I could not feel more pain

My limbs steeped in concrete

My eyes only move

The sleeping figure with the smile 

On his pulchritudinous lips, fixates me

Abject revulsion fights unconditional love

As I blink repeatedly 

In the vain yet fruitless hope

Of an alternate reality

Exhausted, my mind struggles to accept

What my body knows with great clarity

In all my dreams, fantasies, desires I never saw this

I replay the scene relentlessly in my head

Desperate for another explanation

A dam of shock only restrains my tears

As I close my eyes and pray 

For this ‘Happy New Year’ to start over again.

Losing You

 

Razor blades rip

At the edges of my soul

Tearing it further apart

With each movement

No matter how I try

Elastoplast or stitches

Cannot fix me this time 

The blade has plunged too deep

Seems there was a heart 

In the abyss

A black heart

…now haemhorraging 

Remorselessly 

To its bitter bloodied end

© Broken Blackheart Dec, 2015
 

Abyss

  

Extraneous distraction  

Bit of fun, for a time

Temporary intervention

In the thoughts of my mind

Momentary affection 

Maybe, some kind of…

Connection?

Or perhaps just

Diversion

Infill of time…

(For you)

All alone and empty

Maybe deservedly

Blood-torn eyeballs

Aching and blurred

Thought it would be worth

Those moments mindless, free

Now I’m stuck in this abyss 

Deep inside of me

© Blackheart 29.11.2015

Sorry…

  

Your apology, it came, twenty years too late

And for what? …when YOU never called it rape

‘I’m sorry’ – is that really the best you can say?

Somehow, do you think, that will make it ok?

Because ‘sorry’ won’t take away what you’ve done…

‘Sorry’ won’t change who I have become

Your apology – it’s just for your guilt, to absolve

Your ‘apology’ – won’t make MY torment dissolve 

Though I try, that night, I will never forget

Empty words, when I needed to feel your regret

But a ‘sorry’, I guess I never expected to hear

Some validation for destroying my last twenty years

Copyright Blackheart

Solitude

  

Concealed behind a curtain 

I waited

Loneliness tearing at me

Like a savage lion

Peripheral rabble drowned

By a numbness

I wished could reach my mind

How had I got here?

Why hadn’t someone/ anyone asked the right questions?

Why couldn’t they see?

So obviously… 

I was losing my mind…

As they wheeled me away

A can on a conveyor belt 

All I could feel 

Was the deafening silence of solitude.

Let Go…

  

Your face 

Lit up, bright

Smiling

I can’t watch

Love shining

Don’t need eyes

To feel 

The intangible

Emotion 

A sabre to my heart

Lungs collapse

Futility overwhelms

As I stand mute 

Reflecting

My broken body

I realise 

Love is not enough

…and I know

I need

To let you go…

© Blackheart July, 2015

(Inspired by A Prompt a Day)

Unseen

  

I wash your clothes

Do the dishes 

Make your tea

Unseen

.

I clean the house

Strip the beds

Pay (more than) half the bills

Invisibly

.

I put on some makeup

A pretty dress

Bake you a cake

You acknowledge the latter

.

I wear sexy undies

Hoover in the nude

(I know I look good)

You suggest clothes

.

I go to the pub

Stay out late

Pretend I’m drunk (I don’t drink)

You are indifferent 

.

18 years…

I have no engine

Am not a motorbike 

Nor a train

Not even a pint of beer

.

I’m just no longer…

On your visual periphery 

Massacre

 

Tears penetrate my irises

Hot pokers through plastic 

I turn, cursing 

My photographic memory

Now indelibly etched 

With that touching image

You did not…

Could not know

How much that simple action

Would crucify, torture

Strangle my soul

Burning from the inside out

Soot covering, smothering

The windows of my mind 

Devouring my oxygen

Thieving the last splinters of light

All I want is obliteration

To massacre the memories

Slaughter my senses

Entry to an emotionless abyss 

Not to watch my dreams

Played out, excruciatingly

In front of me…

In other people’s lives.

Copyright Blackheart May, 2015